Things We Take For Granted

So it’s official. Hubby and I are going to be having 3 nights in Dublin as we celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this year.

dublin

Hotel and flights are booked and we will be staying in the popular Temple Bar area and in the Temple Bar Hotel itself.

I’ve never been to Ireland but hubby and I love our city breaks and it is somewhere entirely new with new places outside of the city to explore.

I try to not take things for granted with hubby. We don’t always see eye to eye and we do annoy each other at times but we’ve never let things simmer. We tend to get over things pretty quickly and with little damage.

It sounds really stupid but for me, one of the best things about my marriage is that he lets me be ME. I don’t need to act differently, I can be as silly, childish, boring, indecisive, passive, girly as what comes naturally to me.

I work. Something I really enjoy doing and something I’d have never been allowed to do in my previous marriage.

I don’t often think back to the time I was the wrong side of a controlling relationship but when I do, I’m looking back on it as a change of life. How things are now back to me having some control and say in my life.

Like  I said, I LOVE my work at the moment. Despite the fact we always struggled with money, my ex would have never allowed me to work. My job was to look after the home and the baby. That’s what “women in his culture” do. Forget the fact I was not of his culture, I was bought up with 2 parents working. I, myself worked from the time I could have a babysitting job, then shop jobs and worked until I had Matthew but for me to work would have been for him to lose that little bit of control.

It was bad enough him working and me doing the day to day stuff. The trip to the shops. Who did I see? Who did I speak to? Why was I wearing make up? Why did I want to lose weight? What I did was scrutinised.  I always felt I was being watched and being questioned about every little thing in life and I was miserable.

I dreaded going out. I dreaded people talking to me, especially if, God Forbid, it happened to be a male whom I once knew. Over time I lost friends. I lost my spirit. I lost my ambitions and dreams. I lost my way to being the dutiful wife. In turn, the thing I lost the most was MYSELF.

It’s only a few years on, I really mention it in blogs. I never mention it to others but I don’t think hubby will ever realise just how much I love him for letting me be myself. For letting me have that little bit of freedom to do the things I want to do. For having that trust in me that I don’t feel constantly under supervision or suspicion. For letting myself have a sense of purpose beyond the house and family by working, by meeting new people at the local Slimming Club.

Most of my day to day life is protected. We live in a friendly safe little village, we are financially secure, my work is optional but it’s part of what I want in life.

So many people work because they have to, so many people enjoy their jobs, it’s only when you’ve not been allowed to do things in the past you realise what a release and escape it can be.

We have many different faces as humans. We have different sides. The me at work is calmer and more organised than the me at home. The me at home is more caring and silly than the one at work. The me hubby gets, the one where I don’t have to be something someone expects, is the real me. No one else does get that side of me in quite the same way.

Yet, this blog, is the place where the unsaid gets said. It’s the most inner thoughts and feelings I share when I don’t want to weigh others down.

I tell hubby I love him regularly and I mean it, I just don’t think he’ll ever realise just how many things he has changed in my life for the better.

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