I have now lost 12.5lbs on Slimming World.
Hoorah! As much as I would love to make my 1st stone award this week, I very much feel I will fail due to that it’s my wedding anniversary this week.
In just 2 days I will be celebrating the fourth anniversary. This is nearly 3 times longer than my first marriage lasted, yet it still feels new, fresh, exciting and full of fun and hope.
The last I heard of my ex he had been in prison again for, this time, he says was fighting back. He “claims” and I use that word incredibly loosely, claims that some lads assaulted him and tried to mug him but he punched one and got arrested. Now, my ex is the EXPERT in things never being his fault. It’s never been his fault he’s been to jail in the past, it wasn’t his fault he was an abusive bully. He’d have never had a criminal record if it wasn’t for me. The world hates him and he’s just the victim. Blah blah. The thing is, prison doesn’t generally happen to good people. Repeated stretches in jail certainly don’t happen to people who keep themselves out of trouble. He may not have had a criminal record until I had him prosecuted for assault (he tried to strangle me whilst holding our baby – That was the last straw and the time I really realised that I couldn’t live like that and nor should my son) He’d never had anyone stand up to him like that before so maybe I did get him that criminal record but if I did, it was rightly deserved. No-one should live in fear of anyone least of all their husband. So, that was that. May 2006, I kicked him out of the house, got an emergency injunction and never looked back.
A year and a half later I met C, we hit it off on a night out, had a date a week later, within 6 weeks he moved in and we’ve been inseperable ever since. It did all happen incredibly fast with James arriving within a year of us being together and Liam a mere 10 months after James but you know what, I wouldn’t change any of it at all.
From a doomed marriage I learnt what was truly unacceptable in a relationship. I’ve learnt to appreciate the small things in a good relationship. I realised that to have a happy family it doesn’t all have to be exciting all the time. Sometimes you can enjoy the slow lull stages of having no drama of just being on a happy plane.
Marriage is about being yourself, not trying to live to expectations, not moulding yourself to being something you aren’t or don’t want to be. Marriage is about acceptance, equality, learning to put aside small differences, working together, working forward, support. I used to be a fairytale girl long long ago, the person that believed if you loved someone enough and they loved you back then you’d get through anything. I still believe that. People have their ups and downs but if it’s meant to be it will work out.
The truth deep down, is that my first marriage was the opposite of everything I just said. It wasn’t about love. It was more fear, of trying to fit in, of doing whatever everyone else expected of me, of being the dutiful wife, of proving people wrong that we could work out our differences when all I wanted to do was run away. For someone to say “Becky, You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove anything” But I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. It was easier to do what my ex wanted and conform into his life than do what was best for me.
With this relationship, never once have I tried to be someone or something I’m not. I’ve evolved, I learnt so much about myself from a catastophic relationship to realise that life is as good as you want it to be. Life can be what you want it to be. You just need to be strong enough to make the changes you need to in order to make that a reality.
For me, that has involved a long, awkward divorce. Weight Loss. Opening up and learning to trust and love someone new, even when I’ve been through times I never felt worthy of anything better.
With C, I’ve always been me, I’ve always been comfortable talking about my past, I’ve never felt judged but it’s a part of my life I prefer to leave behind.
As weird as it sounds, I wouldn’t change a thing. The past has made me a better person today. A person that doesn’t take my marriage, family and home lightly. I appreciate every single day. I appreciate not being controlled, I appreciate my freedom without a million questions of what I’ve done that day. I enjoy the days we’re together as I don’t feel I am waiting for it all to go wrong.
I’ve become a confident happy woman over the past 7 years C and I have been together and in this fourth year of marriage, I couldn’t be prouder of the man I married. I am so thankful for him of letting me be me, of us be us and our family being ours.
Happy Anniversary C xxxx